Falling out of Relationship

it's gonna happen, guaranteed

We love to think that we will get on track with our artist and stay on track. But every relationship has its cycles of connection or absence. There’s flow and there’s ebb. Travel, visitors, illness, life throws us all kind of disruptions. Life reprioritizes things for us and we have to adapt. Often, we fall away from focus after we get feedback. 

Also, our creative energy isn’t always full-tilt. We go in and out of the wavelength of our writing vibe. That’s okay. What’s not okay is forcing ourselves. Or making ourselves wrong for not having any gas in the creative tank. 

It’s not about staying with it all the time at any cost. It’s about getting back into relationship consistently. Being committed and having skills to get back in touch that make it work. 

When you fall away from your making, see if you can accept this as natural. We often default to thinking that something is wrong with us. 

I like to adopt a different point of view. What if nothing were wrong with you? What if there is no such thing as a creative block? 

More pressure or stress around it usually won’t get you back in. If you’re like me, you might even rebel against feeling you are ‘supposed to’ be doing something a certain way. 

Life may force other priorities on you. You may have a loss or be called to shift your roles with other relationships. You may move, or change jobs, or deal with a health crisis. 

Trust that your artist will be there when you return. 

INVITATION

Write a quick letter to your artist, assuring them that you will be back. You may use an Insertion Point if you’re stepping away from a project. 

Getting back into relationship

I’ve seen so many clients - and myself - fall away from a consistent practice. Knowing this ebb and flow is normal, I now focus on how to easily get back into the groove. 

Consider reentry to relationship with your artist a skill to develop. For me, I want to spend only a small amount of time looking at what happened and why. It can help to ask: 

What was going on in your life when you stepped away? 

Those three questions will give you all the information you need to stay in relationship. You’ll get intel on whether to come closer, to back away, or something else. 

Whenever a client falls away from their artist, I get curious. What was happening around the time the making stopped? Often it’s a disruption of some kind that pulled us away from our creative rhythm. Insight around what changed can help us understand that nothing is inherently wrong with us. Life just shifted and our art has to shift along with it. 

It may be that you stopped creating because you reached a plateau with your work. You may have grown tired and bored of the way you are creating or the genre you are working in. You may need a refresher, a shift in medium, or a new project to engage you. You might need to go back to the skill section and revisit what skills are needed to engage your artist now. 

It also could be that you have reached a threshold. You’ve come to a place where you need to be more honest with yourself. Or perhaps your fears have risen up alongside your desire to create. You may have run out of courage and need to replenish your tank. 

When I adopt a sense of curiosity rather than panic, despair, or worry that something was wrong, life with my artist is a lot better. I didn’t need to fret that she had left me for good. I didn’t need to rush into counseling or pathologize the situation. I just needed to be open, curious, and get in touch. 

See how holding this light but committed approach to your relationship makes it easier to get back in touch. 

INVITATION 

Dialogue is often the way back in. Get present with your artist. Imagine you are having a coffee date. Have a 15-minute date. You can easily catch up with a friend in fifteen minutes, right? Use your reflection writing to get in touch. Ask your artist: 

• What’s up for you now? 

• What do you want now?

• What do you need now? 

Write a commitment letter to your artist from you. Tell them what you are committing to. Tell them how you will know when you are committed. Remind them of what brings you back into commitment with your artist. Using ‘now’ helps you get present with what’s currently true for your artist. 

Another way to play with this is to think of your life as a movie. If we are watching your life, what scenes show us you are committed to your artist? What scenes show a lack of commitment? Storyboard it visually if that is more fun than writing out your commitment.

Affirmation: We will always get back together to make things.

In the comments: What helps you return easily to your creative projects?